noteworthy musings

"vengeance is a cheap imitation of grief."

is that true? i would never relate vengeance to grief. could you grieve over things like loss of prestige? could you grieve over hurt pride? vengeance is taken on account of both of these things a lot of the time.

vengeance is like...i don't know. i've never wanted to avenge someone before. i remember last year when reading Hamlet, we talked about the differences between vengeance and revenge and redemption. why is it that we feel we must have something to compensate? why is it that some people differentiate between being lost and being taken? is it because loss implies that we had no control over it, that we had no responsibility, that something else was the cause of our grief? is it because being taken implies that someone else is at fault when it is truly their own or our own?

sometimes i think that redemption is more dangerous than vengeance or revenge. redemption guarantees being compensated, being made whole again. but with what? one may die in the act of vengeance or revenge without ever being given anything back. but one almost always lives after being redeemed and that takes more strength than a lot of other things--continuing to live.

there is something to be said about those people who are always so strong: they are nothing without their strength, they are no one. without something to fear, without something to contest, they are left with nothing. they do not live life, they endure it like the weight of the world is on their shoulders. sometimes i wonder about these people--what would be said about them once they have gone. "he was strong" or "she was strong".

today in discussion, our TA went off on a political science tangent because he is a grad student writing a paper on the spread of democracy. he said, in a nutshell, that the spread of democracy usually coincides with militarization. he used Taiwan, Japan, China, Indonesia, South Korea, and the Philippines as examples. in South Korea, the man who was rebelling against the dictatorship needed America's help and America agreed to help on one condition--that the new leader of South Korea implement democracy in their government. it was agreed. the same with Taiwan, they recieved our aid and in exchange they raised a democratic government. i don't know much about political science or sociology so i have nothing to base this knowledge on, but i think its interesting. reading imperialist and anti-imperialist documents last quarter, i found out that a certain figurehead in America believed that democracy, law, and order were all products of the Aryan races--or white people from Europe. some people--such as the Filipinos--were incapable of understanding things like justice and law and democracy because they were an ignorant race in no way as high-minded as white Europeans or Aryans. he used this reasoning to support his imperialist views: ransack the Philippine Islands and teach them democracy because they are ignorant! and in the process, exploit all the Islands' resources! in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, they called this Manifest Destiny.

*shrugs* i still think democracy is not for everyone. i don't care what that man said about eugenics and the superiority of the Aryan races. i think eugenics is ridiculous and inhumane.

a woman was playing her cello in the foyer of the practice rooms today. i hid behind a corner and listened to her play for a bit, but then i had to go and practice myself. i usually prefer the practice rooms in AITR, but you need a special key to access them that only music majors are allowed to get. at least i am comforted by the fact that there is no foyer in AITR and therefore no place where a celloist with a huge cello could practice. so they go to the mesa practice rooms...and so do i.

lol, this saturday was my great aunt's birthday, so we drove up to Torrance early to help decorate the backyard. i didn't have time to change out of my work clothes before we left so i went as i was, wearing black pants and a white button up shirt. i felt distinctly unappealing--but this turned out to be a good thing because a "young man" about my age came over to drop off some food for the party and all the old ladies kept giving me these looks: see, there is a nice, attractive, Filipino that would do well with you. how come you don't have a boyfriend yet? would you like us to introduce you? no, thank you. i hate when people do that. one of my dad's friends is even now trying to set me up with his son--who by all accounts is a bum. yes, i am Filipino, and no i am not ashamed of that, but i will choose whom to love, no matter who he is. so don't you dare try to set me up with someone. *huffs* geez! its not like my father is offering a dowry to any suitors and all i do is embroider all day! what about my internship in London? what about my trip to Paris and Madrid and Rome and Austria? there is no way i will let anyone try to set me up with someone when i have so much left to do.

and with that, my anthropology lecture is going to start in fifteen minutes. its been grand! stay away from matchmaking relatives and ponder the limits of democracy.