being "industrious"
i suppose you don't really know yourself until other people tell you who you are. in overt ways.
today i have heard three times that i am...well...hard to find the exact word, but a list of some words include: hard-working, good work ethic, taking the initiative, awesome, industrious, leader. i've heard these kinds of words, from my boss, from the manager i closed with tonight, and from a website my best friend set up for me. i suppose this kind of description is flattering, but i don't feel the way they describe me.
for instance, today a customer bought one dining chair to match her set at home. the chair came in a box in a set of two. so i sold her the one, took the spare out of the box and stuck it on the perimeter as is proper. the manager i closed with today asked what i was doing and i explained. he said that i'm one of the few employees he knows that is willing to take the initiative and that it--i--was awesome because of it. but...i wasn't really taking the initiative. i mean, its what we're supposed to do. its not policy exactly, but its etiquette mixed in with the duties listed under the job description. you don't leave leftover furniture sprawled all over the stockroom. maybe me doing what i was supposed to do is considered taking the initiative. it isn't really that hard to do what needs to be done...
yesterday, i was stuck in housewares for about five hours shifting flatware around to make room for the new shipment of plates that came in on the truck that morning. i ended up moving, four different sets (which is about eight shelves of stuff) to different locations. i complained jokingly to the manager who set me up with the task, saying i never wanted to work in housewares again. apparently, he was impressed with what i had done because today, my boss told me he really appreciated how hard i've been working, said that i had a good work ethic, and that i was being a great team leader by setting an example of efficiency to the new employees. but...i don't think i am a great team leader, i work hard when its called for, and at all other times i basically drift. i mean, i do work hard, but aren't we supposed to? isn't it right, to do something well? why is it, that when i do something that's supposed to be done, i'm rewarded like i accomplished some major feat? it must be done. i don't see what's so special about that.
what i'm trying to say is, i'm....disappointed. i'm disappointed that what i do, what i think is simple, isn't really. i'm disappointed that the world should skimp so when they work. i'm disappointed that i seem to be the only one willing to do what needs to be done. i don't understand why people aren't willing to work, and work well enough to get the job done right. i don't understand why doing what you're supposed to do is so hard. and i fear that since i am the only one doing what needs to be done, i will get stuck with even more work, since those who are lazy know i will do it.
i've known for some time that i spend more of myself on work than is necessary. i've known since my classmates started commenting on it in highschool, how i didn't need to answer that question so thoroughly, how i didn't need to organize my information so efficiently, how i didn't need to do my work so well.
but, i guess, that's just who i am.
