Juno

i remember a specific lesson from chemistry class of junior year. anything that has been changed chemically always wants to return to its original state: a diamond is constantly trying to return to its state as a lump of coal. the only reason why diamonds don't return to the coal-state is because there is a certain curve that must be overcome and the chemical curve of a diamond is so high that it cannot be overcome. or something like that (am definitely not a chemist).

then my chemistry teacher told me an interesting thing. there is a fancy name for it, but i don't recall what it is. the earth was originally a chaotic mass of matter before it was chemically changed; therefore the earth is constantly trying to return to its original state of chaos chemically. he said that every day that passes, the earth gets closer and closer to chaos and that someday, the chemical curve keeping the earth ordered will be overcome. and believe me, i see signs of impending chaos in many places.

but that could take years--for now, its June.

today is monday of week ten, the last week of the Spring 2005 quarter, and i am filled with warring emotions. i want out, but the closer the day of freedom comes, the closer it comes to turning in my research paper. oh, the turmoil! the turmoil!

i am going to be 19 on Sunday. God help us all.