my jane and elizabeth

i am so full its almost sickening. its that kind of full where you can't breathe if you stand up straight because your stomach is being stretched to the limit. lol, and here i am, sitting sedate in this chair typing up another post. i should be running all this off!

i have been reading so much the past few weeks that after finishing each book, my head feels fuzzy. and it is not an alien kind of fuzzy since i've had this feeling before. it is the same feeling i get late at night/early morning when i have just finished forcing out a five page paper. its somewhat like an ouroborus. where writing ends, reading begins and vice versa. writing and reading both require the same amount of effort sometimes, although some may argue that you can read passively. trust me, reading requires more energy than you would think, especially if you're doing about 150 pages an hour.

and you are mistaken if you think all this reading is for school.

since getting this job at the children's bookstore, i have read enough to rival that one summer i worked at the local library. in order to sell books, i must be able to give an adequate synopsis on the ones i am attempting to sell. ergo, i have spent numerous evenings and an unthinkable amount of money buying and reading children's literature. most people have their own assumptions about children's literature--most of which are fast and loose. children's literature is not just picture books. classics written by great authors such as Dickens and Alcott fall under this category; riske books about sexual growth and angst; science fiction/fantasy books that have left their mark for ages; all these things are included. during the slow hours at work, i browse the picture books while at home i read the larger novels. i intend to make a list of the books i have known.

and since getting this job, i have realized that children's literature is my niche. i am proud to say that i have read my share of classics: Pride and Prejudice, The Scarlet Letter, East of Eden, Paradise Lost, but all these haven't marked me like those books that dominate one of my bookshelves, which are books that fall under children's literature. i think that a lot of adult novels these days lack the simplicity and depth of some of the "children's" books i have read. subjects explored in both adult novels and children's books seem to have a great deal more of compassion and understanding in the latter. adult novels seem so disinterested and disillusioned to me. everything presented in adult novels are crass and apathetic. the humor is caustic and the plot sometimes manipulated to intrigue. its dark and unwelcoming. some would say "like the real world", but people see what they want to see, and i want to see a world with more heart. is that naive?

my sister says i am an elizabeth. one of my very good friends says i am a jane. i once wanted to be more like the former, but am beginning to realize that i am both. at times i can be perceptive and outspoken enough to be rude. at other times i refuse to see the bad in some people--either by design or patience. this patience is what makes me a jane in my friend's eyes, but sometimes my temper seems too short. are all people a mass of contradictions like i seem to be? sometimes it makes me proud that i have many sides. sometimes it makes me frustrated and even abashed.

author's i have met:
Patrick Carmen
Theodore Taylor
Steve Bjorkman
Pam Munoz Ryan

tomorrow i will meet an author of a self-titled "gothic" novel. as i did not really like the book, i shall see how my manners fare. innovative is the word.